Things We Want
by Tia-Lewise
Summary: Final Fantasy IV. During a sleepless night, Cecil reflects on a magical moment he shared with his missing love. Mature themes in the form of boy on boy awesomeness and bad language, so be warned!


**BTW- I decided that people come of age at 17 in the world**** of FFIV, so like it or lump it! Hehe.**

**This is my first FFIV fic, since I started playing it again. I don't own FF. If I did, Kain would have prevented Cecil from marrying Rosa and ran off with him!**

* * *

><p>There were times when people wanted. Times when people needed, or craved with all their heart. Times when people looked to the past and wished it were still so.<p>

As was the case with Cecil. Night had fallen in Troia, the party were resting at the inn, but on account of Cid's incessant snoring, the weary paladin couldn't drift off.

_Tellah and Yang sleep like the dead, _he thought to himself, rubbing his eyes. _How can anybody sleep after losing the Twins?_

Not for the first time since it had happened, Cecil allowed himself to grieve for Palom and Porom. No tears fell, but his chest tightened and he had to press his lips together to stop himself from shaking. He wasn't sure how much more loss he could take.

_Maybe…if I had just obeyed the King's orders- but he was never the King, it was Cagnazzo. But, would I have been happier? Maybe all this would never have happened…_

Sighing, Cecil swung his legs out of bed, and, abandoning his armour, left the inn in his leather underclothes. Despite the hour, a few people were still wandering the streets, plus the odd Troia Castle guard. Cecil slipped away and made for the town exit, head bowed and shoulders tense.

_What happened to you…? And why…?_

Cecil sat with his back to a tree, watching the gentle rush of the river before him. A solitary fish leapt out of the water in a graceful arc as Cecil twisted his hair between his fingers and closed his eyes, listening to the sloshing of the river and the buzz of a cicada close by.

_Kain…_

A breeze blew through the Troia woods, and Cecil wrapped his arms round his shoulders to try and protect himself, while his mind wandered back to his lost love…

* * *

><p>"I don't get it!"<p>

"What's there not to get?"

"Why would you-"

"Because I like her, okay?" Eighteen year old Kain removed his helmet, tossed his blonde hair back and shrugged. "I just like her."

"But…she's _our _friend!" protested a pissed-off Cecil, who had just turned seventeen. "She'll be spending all her time with _you _now, when she's my friend too!"

"Look, calm down! It's not like loads has changed-"

"Why would Rosa choose _you?"_

Kain scowled heavily and rapped Cecil hard on the helmet with the flat of the blade of his spear. "That wasn't very nice."

"Neither was that, Kain!" Cecil lashed out with his dark sword and succeeded in putting a dent in the shoulder of Kain's navy-blue armour. "You're not playing fair."

"I can choose to have a girlfriend, okay?" shouted Kain, balling his right hand into a tight fist. "You can't because you're a Dark Knight, and that's how it is!"

"Are you insulting me?"

"If that's the way you want to see it, then sure."

"Grr-aaah!" Losing his temper, Cecil lashed out again and punched Kain in his unprotected face, throwing down his weapon in the process, which Kain copied before they launched themselves at each other.

This was quite a regular thing for the boys; they would fight over close to anything, but Rosa Farrell was a first. Rosa, with her waterfall of blonde hair, snow-white skin, and voice of clear crystal…they both loved the beautiful sixteen year old dearly. As a friend, and a trainee White Mage, her company was invaluable. But now Kain had taken advantage of Cecil's inability to have a romantic relationship. And she said yes…

_How could she? _Was all Cecil could think as he was knocked back onto the grass, his dark helmet flying off and landing with a dull _clunk _nearby. He spat venomously and twisted away from the hand tangled painfully in his hair, kicking out at Kain, who let go with a groan; he doubled over and Cecil jumped up, seizing the opportunity to grab the Dragoon and punch him in the face again, relishing in the deep purple bruise welling around his eye and the blood trickling down his grazed cheek.

Suddenly, a voice, usually so gentle, but laced with anger, cried, "Stop!"

Cecil threw Kain onto his back and looked over his shoulder to see Rosa- dear, sweet Rosa- hurrying towards them, looking exasperated, her cloak draped over her arm so she wouldn't trip. "Why must you always fight?" she cried, reaching the boys and rubbing her chest. "What is it _now?"_

"It…it doesn't matter." Cecil grimaced- Kain's gauntlet-covered fist had given him a split lip, which was steadily dribbling blood down his chin. From behind him, Kain sat up with a groan of pain and massaged his head before dragging himself to stand beside Rosa. "…Hello," he said flatly. She dismissed the attempt at conversation with a wave of her hand and prodded the bleeding gash on his cheek. "You two are such fools," she sighed, before motioning for Cecil to stand beside Kain and beginning to chant under her breath, her hands clasped. The two boys glared daggers at each other, arms folded.

"Cure!" A burst of pale blue light washed over the put his hand up to feel his cheek and winced; Cecil followed suit with his lip. "I'm sorry," Rosa said, wringing her hands. "I'm not good enough to take all the pain away yet, but I've healed the skin back together and stopped the bleeding. Kain, you still have a black eye-"

"It's fine," he said with a coy smile, reaching a hand out and pulling Rosa to his chest. "We appreciate the effort, _don't we, Cecil?" _The Dark Knight shifted from one foot to the other and mumbled his consent, his face burning a crimson blush. Kain kissed Rosa on the nose and said gently, "I'm not due at the castle till sundown; fancy a walk?"

"That would be nice," replied Rosa with a nod. She extricated herself from Kain's arms and threw her own round Cecil. "Will you be okay?"

Cecil smirked over Rosa's shoulder as he noticed Kain's clenched jaw. "I'll be okay. You two enjoy your walk."

"No more fighting, okay?" she sighed, letting him go and stepping lithely back to her boyfriend. "I might see you in the castle later. Bye!"

"Bye, Rosa…Kain." He heard Kain stifle a chuckle as he turned round and walked away from the happy couple, back towards Baron Castle. He was going to be late for training at this rate, but the anger he felt towards his friends at the present moment in time was too much for him to give a damn.

* * *

><p><em>It's just not fair, <em>Cecil thought as he splashed cold water on his face, shivering. _I sound like a child, but Kain was wrong to take Rosa away. He knows I love her too. But, does he know…? No, how could he? I'm being stupid, I guess. I'm a Dark Knight; I should know better than to succumb to emotion. His Majesty said so himself. _He rubbed his face dry with a thin towel before undressing- having taken off his armour earlier in the day- and sitting on the edge of his bed in his boxers. He glanced at the clock on the wall- almost midnight. Kain would have returned a few hours ago for training or to work out, Cecil couldn't remember which.

What he _could _remember was spying on Kain last year when he was lifting weights in the castle courtyard. Cecil had been sent to deliver him a message, but decided he didn't want to disturb his workout and loitered round the corner, waiting for him to finish. There was something about the sheen of sweat that clung to Kain's toned, bare chest that caught his eye; he was mesmerised. The movements of his body captured his attention totally; there was only him and Kain…beautiful, muscular Kain. The dragoon's lips parted as he panted a little with the strain, and Cecil found himself wondering what those lips tasted like…

Needless to say, that day, Cecil Harvey, Dark Knight of Baron, had fallen in love.

_That was an odd day, _Cecil thought, getting into bed, ignoring the blood surging downwards at the thought of Kain shirtless. _I had to ask Cid if it's possible to love two people at once…of course, I never told him who they were, despite his nagging. The King would have gone off his rocker if he'd found out I was in love. I hate keeping secrets from him. _Cecil sighed unhappily and turned to face the wall, closing his eyes in preparation for sleep.

"Knock, knock."

Cecil jumped at the voice and reached for the dagger under his pillow, before he heard Kain say, "Don't be ridiculous, Cecil!" Slowly, he removed his hand and turned round. Kain stood before him in his tunic and leggings, holding a lighted taper so as to see in the gloom. He took a few steps to the side and placed the taper on a table before leaning against the wall, looking amused. "Didn't disturb you, I hope?"

"Not really," replied Cecil curtly, lying on his side with his head propped up by an arm. "What are you doing in here?"

"I was bored…" Kain stared round the room. "Rosa is studying all night, so-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"I said don't." Cecil turned over again and spat, "If you came up here to take the piss out of me, you can go away now. I'm not in the mood for this."

"I didn't come to take the piss out of you." Kain approached the bed and sat on the foot of it, reaching a hand out to shake Cecil's shoulder; not rough, but not gentle. "But boy, that was some fight, eh? I'm still limping from where you kicked me in the crotch."

"You deserved it," mumbled Cecil, still facing the wall.

"Heh. Maybe so."

"Hmph." Cecil wriggled a little as the blanket had twisted.

"Still pissed off at me?"

"…"

"Don't be such a baby."

"…"

"I…didn't hurt you too badly, did I?" Kain's voice became a little softer. Cecil shook his head, and Kain let out a sigh. "Good. Rosa would kill me-"

"I said _don't talk about her!" _The Dark Knight suddenly shouted, sitting bolt upright and looking like he was going to hit Kain again. "I…I don't want to hear about her…"

Defying his King and his own internal struggle, Cecil gave into his emotions and covered his face with his hands, starting to cry.

Kain was shocked. He had never seen Cecil cry. He didn't even think a Dark Knight was _able _to cry. Not even when they were children and Cecil had fallen and cut his knee open to the bone. He didn't cry. So why was he crying now?

"Cecil?" asked the Dragoon softly, receiving a hearty sniff in response. "Don't cry. I feel bad enough as it is."

Cecil raised his head, tears dripping from his shimmering, crystal blue eyes. "W-Why?"

"Because Rosa told me off for not telling you about us. She said I could have done it responsibly, but _apparently_ I wanted to get you into another fight. I came up here to apologise. She says she won't speak to me for a week if I don't."

"How unfortunate," Cecil retorted moodily, wiping his streaming eyes. He looked so hurt that for a moment Kain wanted to wrap his arms round his trembling frame and hold him close as he would Rosa.

He thought that by dating Rosa, it would help him not to think about Cecil. They'd only been together a month, seeing each other in secret after dark, to gaze at the moons, and kiss beneath their magical glow. It was nice, of course it was, but he couldn't take things any further. Partly because of Rosa's age…

…And partly because he couldn't forget Cecil.

He'd visited Cecil's chambers last year to pick up an iron ring he'd left with him. It was late, so he was careful to avoid disturbing the young Dark Knight's slumber. But he'd ended up sitting down and watching Cecil sleep for about ten minutes. His blanket had almost slipped off the bed, to reveal him in just his underwear, a beam of moonlight illuminating the rise and fall of his chest. Cecil was moaning gently in his sleep, his arousal obvious to the watchful Dragoon. Oh, how he longed to reach out and touch him…but no, he was too young. He wouldn't come of age till next year.

So Kain ever so carefully picked up the ring he was after from the table, and inched out of the room just as Cecil cried out his name.

Needless to say, that night, Kain Highwind, Baron's Dragoon, had fallen in love.

Cecil had calmed down a little now, his sobs reduced to sniffles, but his eyes remained red and watery. He tried to look anywhere but at Kain, who sat with his head bowed, as if in thought.

"…Cecil?" He spoke with apprehension.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever…been in love with more than one person?"

Cecil's head snapped up, betraying him instantly. Kain suppressed a smirk. "I…" he stammered.

"Because I love Rosa," Kain said, shifting up the bed a little, "but she's not the only one I love."

"Yeah?" In the flickering candlelight, Kain could see Cecil's blush.

"Now, let's not play games," he purred, edging ever closer. "I can't just leave now…the sexual tension in here is so thick I could cut it with my lance…" Their faces were now mere inches apart. Cecil shrank back a little out of nervousness, his heart pounding frantically. Kain radiated power…it was intoxicating, muddling his mind.

"I-I-"

"Shhh." Kain lingered over Cecil for a moment before pressing his lips to the blushing Dark Knight's. His shivering frame suddenly stiffened, refusing to move, even when Kain's hands rested on his shoulders and pushed him onto his back, dominating him. Finally, he managed to choke out, "N-No!" and pushed Kain away. "You can't do this," he panted, wiping his lips. "What about Rosa?"

"I needed to try and forget about you," Kain said, with a slight plea in his voice. "She's beautiful, and I love her…but not as much as I love you…"

Cecil smiled gently, hearing the words he'd longed for. "I love you too," he whispered. A feral growl rumbled in Kain's chest, and he pounced on Cecil, pinning him down again and covering his mouth with hot, wet kisses that left the younger boy moaning desperately; he'd never felt anything like this before. So new, but it felt so right. He let his arms wind round Kain's back, clinging onto the thin cotton tunic he wore as the lusty Dragoon kissed him with passion and touched his face, his hair, tangling his fingers in the soft blonde locks. Kain pulled away for a few moments and began to remove his tunic, but Cecil got there first, dragging the cloth over his head and revealing that beautiful chest. Cecil's eyes burned with a fiery lust, hands wandering over the expanse of creamy skin. Kain arched his back and sighed, giving Cecil room to sit up and close his mouth round a pert nipple; Kain moaned gently, his hands gripping Cecil's delicate shoulders. "Ohhh…yes, like that…" Cecil grinned and moved to the other nipple, letting his fingers tweak the one he had just attacked. Nothing was going to stop the boys now. And the tower was high and the walls thick, so nobody would hear them. Kain's moans were music to Cecil's ears.

Cecil released Kain and stopped him with an outstretched arm when he tried to shove Cecil back onto the bed. "Kain…wait."

He cocked his head, still breathing heavily. "What?"

"How…do you want this to go? Do you even know what you're doing?"

The young Dragoon sat back, playing with his hair. "I think this is a first for the both of us."

"You too?"

"Yeah. So…we're free to try anything out, I suppose." He grinned. "That's if you're still up for it."

"What will you say to Rosa?"

"That I'm sorry?" He shrugged. "I don't know. But I know it's not going to work out as we hoped. I want you too much." He reached out and took Cecil's hands in his own. "This feels much better than being with Rosa."

Cecil didn't reply, so Kain pushed him backwards by his hands till he was on top of him again, kissing him gently, the Dark Knight's hands pinned either side of his head. Cecil was vaguely aware of Kain's arousal pressed against his own, and he groaned against Kain's lips as he rubbed their bodies together. Kain's body shivered with pleasure and, releasing Cecil's hands, his own found Cecil's hips as he began to grind against him; even through their minimal clothing it felt wonderful. "Mmm…Kain…"

"Cecil…" Kain sat back, hooked his fingers in the top of Cecil's black underwear and pulled them down before he could protest. "Don't be embarrassed," Kain whispered as Cecil's face turned tomato red and he scrabbled for his blanket to cover himself. "Look, I'll take mine off as well. Will that make you feel better?"

Sitting in a nervous crouch, Cecil nodded. They'd seen each other naked before, washing in the stream, but this was a totally different scenario altogether.

Kain got off the bed and inched his leggings down, revealing thin but muscled legs and a distinct lack of underwear. Cecil gasped. Kain threw the leggings aside and clambered back onto the bed, yanking away Cecil's blanket. Cecil let out a squeak of embarrassment, but Kain held a finger to his lips and smiled. He removed his finger, letting his hand trail down Cecil's chest, milky white from lack of sun. He sighed and arched his back in pleasure, eyes closed. He felt Kain's strong fingers wrap round his arousal and he let out a loud moan of the Dragoon's name, followed by a strangled gasp as his length was engulfed by Kain's hot mouth. "K-Kain! Ohhh, Kain!"

Kain was becoming more and more aroused by Cecil's cries of pleasure. The urge to touch himself was almost unbearable. Cecil's hands gripped Kain's hair and he pushed his hips up, moaning desperately, his head thrashing from side to side. He could feel the heat building up between his legs, almost ready to burst free. "Kain, I…I'm going to-" One more suck and Cecil exploded with an ecstatic groan. "Oh…my god," he gasped, his head falling back on the pillow. "That was- whoa!" He suddenly tensed up. "Kain, were you trying to put a _finger _in me?"

Finger in his mouth, Kain nodded. Then it dawned on Cecil what he was trying to do. "Oh! Right. You were-"

"Mm-hm." Kain stuck another finger in his mouth.

"Why aren't you speaking?" Kain carefully removed his fingers and swallowed. "Oh. Your-"

"Shut up and let me prepare you," Kain sighed, pushing Cecil back. "I've been told this might hurt a little, but you just need to relax."

"O-Okay." Cecil closed his eyes and breathed slowly and evenly, trying to relax himself as he felt the first finger, slick with his own juices, gently tease him before pushing slowly inside. "Oh, that's weird," he groaned, biting his lip. Kain didn't reply and continued working the finger inside him for a few moments before pressing in another; at this the younger boy whimpered with pain and clutched at his sheets with trembling hands. Kain got up from his crouch and hovered over Cecil, gazing down at the boy thrashing beneath him, a slave to his touch. He brought his lips down onto Cecil's, thrusting his tongue into his gasping mouth while continuing to play with him, swallowing Cecil's moans with his hungry mouth and tongue.

"I think you're ready," Kain murmured when he deemed it suitable for him to remove the fingers; Cecil drew a hand over his brow and exhaled heavily, his face glimmering with sweat. "Relax as much as you can, yeah?"

"Kain…are you sure about this?" Cecil reached up and stroked the older boy's smooth cheek. "I don't want to do this if nothing else comes of it. I don't want to be a fling like Rosa."

"I promise, you aren't a fling." Kain kissed Cecil on the forehead as he lined himself up. "I really want this. Do you?"

Cecil ran his tongue over his lips. He was _so _scared. Everything bad that could happen was playing over and over in his head. But then he felt the tip of Kain's erection rubbing against his entrance and he nodded. "I want this as much as you do."

"Let's dance," whispered Kain, entering the Dark Knight and biting back a moan. Beneath him, Cecil let out no noise but screwed his face up and dug his nails into Kain's shoulder blades; the stretch was quite painful. Kain, however, was having the time of his life. Releasing a deep, throaty groan, he began to move, setting up his rhythm, and within moments the pain had vanished for Cecil and he was clinging on for dear life, his head buried in Kain's shoulder as he moaned and whined and cried out in sheer pleasure.

"My god…" gasped Kain, "you're so tight…"

Cecil, for all his moaning and groaning, didn't answer. Kain chuckled and leaned his head down to nip at the skin at the base of Cecil's neck. He gasped and bucked his hips, panting hard. The Dragoon bit harder and sucked the white flesh while reaching a hand down to grasp Cecil's throbbing arousal.

"Oh, Kain!"

"Does it feel good?"

"God yes!" Cecil threw his head back and cried out in ecstasy at the heat building up inside him again; he didn't want this to end, but he knew he was close. He voiced this to Kain, who increased the speed of his pumping and thrusting, feeling himself getting closer too.

Finally, as one, they released, calling out the other's name. Totally worn out, Kain collapsed onto Cecil and snuggled into his shoulder, panting as Cecil draped his arms round his sweat-soaked body and pressed a kiss to his temple. "Thank you," he whispered. "That was amazing."

After a minute or so, Kain pulled out and rolled off Cecil to lie beside him, sliding an arm under the Dark Knight's head so he could snuggle into him, head on Kain's shoulder and leg entwined with his. The bed was only a single, so they were a little cramped, but it meant they could cuddle closer. And cuddle they did, till they eventually fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Cecil was jolted back to his senses by a loud splash from a jumping fish. Breathing heavily, he wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead. <em>What on earth- <em>

He looked down at his other hand, and grimaced. _Oh, right. Yuck. _

Cleaning himself off with water from the river, he sighed and smiled. _Maybe one day, we can have those moments again. Rosa is…too pure. I love her, but…Kain, you will always be in my heart. _


End file.
